The greatest thing about having kids is being able to use old jokes on them, that they're hearing for the first time. It's like a Best Of tour, and they foolishly think I'm HILARIOUS.

#NewComedy #DadJokes #ChildishChuckles

When the whale invaded his domain, the squid was up in arms

The professor was testy today, and none of the students failed to take note.

Factual news in as few words as possible, delivered by text (yes, text).

That feeling when you make up a girlfriend as an excuse to not go out with someone & then you end up embroiled in a global inter-species war 🙄

NEW SKETCH - Click link now fanks 👇

youtube.com/watch?v=EW680E…

#comedy #sketchcomedy #livecomedy #newcomedy

When it came to the city's graffiti crisis, the writing was on the wall

Sufficient unto the day are the tweets thereof

New Year. New Refresh.

We've collected the easiest hacks to organize your home. With all of this newfound space, it'll be like having a whole new home.

After work, the lumberjack didn't know what to do. He was stumped

A penny saved is.... A penny saved

Claudia I could sometimes understand this, if I wasn't misunderstanding the idea of what it means to understand the idea of being misunderstood but only sometimes.

The sandwich had sat out for an hour, becoming a thorn in the fresh

The twitter guru's favorite joke question was, 'what's not to like?'

When asked if he could make gyros for dinner, the chef said, 'it's all Greek to me'

It was Worth the jail time #newcomedy youtube.com/shorts/AkAVASn… via YouTube

The Roman legion called it training, but it was, for all intents and purposes, camping.

Nobody loves paying bills, but the female of the species is more deadly than the mail

You can count apples and oranges, but proverbs run in pears.

The baker's career was cooling down, it was time to turn over a new loaf.

As soon as Jimmy joined the Minecraft server, he was the new kid on the block

Motivational Quotes I don't like altitude. What doesn't go up, doesn't have to come down.

The actor always avoided gossip, but not always drama