You put some fresh dill in your dinner and two hours later it’s like every drop of moisture has been removed from your body. I am desiccated, a husk, a sultana of a human being.

Having just seen a woman walking through town wearing a pair of trousers with the word “JUICY” emblazoned across the arse, I would also like to wear a pair of trousers with the word “JUICY” emblazoned across the arse. I sense that the reaction would be overwhelmingly positive

Seen on Facebook. Keep your wits about you, everyone. 😬

apologies. we are not actually smoking a zoot at the picador garden party. this was a scheduled tweet from 2017(!) - we thought when hootsuite died any tweets we had scheduled on hootsuite would die with it. it seems we were misinformed

.

I’m discovering comic potential in reading the Tiger Who Came To Tea to Ivor but making it about H. R. Giger instead. It also gives the song in the animated TV version a nice new spin. “H.R. Giger, glad you called, come on in / There's lots of biscuits in the biscuit tin”

I played with Spearmint in Paris last night. Standing front and centre throughout was a family of four, all singing along. They were a source of joy and delight for us throughout the gig. Afterwards one of the two daughters gave Shirley this note. Aw. ♥️

On his 1976 album “The Art Of Tea”, Michael Franks details how his loved one cooks eggplant “‘bout 19 different ways” but “sometimes I’ll just have it raw with mayonnaise.” I’ve never dipped raw aubergine in mayonnaise, and TBH Michael Franks doesn’t present a strong case for it.

They have. It’s distressing. I searched Twitter for “WhatsApp” and “capitalised” and people are clearly in crisis

This is just glorious. The wide angle brings additional pleasure and delight

If anyone has a Studiologic VP expression pedal, can you bring it ASAP to Le Chinois venue in Montreuil, because my Roland one doesn’t work. We (Spearmint) are onstage at 21.45.

(This is kind of a joke, because it’s obviously futile, but also rather serious.)

This news, of all the news, has shaken me to my core.

Saw this on a competing social media platform earlier. His whole feed is this kind of pompous, self-absorbed bollocks. Might buy his album just to annoy him. Doesn’t really matter who it is, I just keep thinking about it.

I nearly posted this joke again (I find myself in Dorset again) but I had the good sense to check first. Disaster averted.

Rhodri Marsden ⏏️ The forgotten 4th verse of “The Wanderer”.