Farewell, evil Lisa Loeb.

Like all real Americans, I’m cheering for Taylor Swift and her entire CIA operation.

The most unrelatable part of disaster/apocalypse/zombie shows is how hard people try to survive. Once I can’t buy an iced coffee or get prime shipping I’m checking out xoxo

you can paste the entire bee movie script into the texas anti-LGBTQ drag show reporting website

You know, maybe inheriting apartheid cash isn’t a skillset.

“Hello? 911? This Friday’s black.”

Silly me, I thought the weed industry’s biggest influencers were in jail. twitter.com/nylonmag/statu…

They called it the Civil War because everyone on both sides was nice.

Your serial killer name is your first name + your middle name + your last name

It's starting to feel like men are just too emotional to be president.

'That's a Nazi.'
*Nazi puts on fedora*
'That's an international alt-right man of mystery.'

A millennial is any young person you don't like.

[asks waitress in Interpol voice] how are things with the french toast

I'll take 'elegant metaphors for death' for $500, Alex.

When you live in a warm climate and the idea of Fall is merely emotional.