don’t threaten me with a good time

fyi also this dress has pockets. yup.

love this time of year when i don’t know if it’s fireworks or my neighbor being gunned down in his kitchen

little commotion for the dress

{my first time at a strip club} omg she’s naked is that allowed??

my only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna

do i want mushrooms on my pizza? sure & while you’re at it, take the mold from my shower & spread it all over the crust, you disgusting fuck

they should make a game show like jeopardy for people that don’t know anything

my friend: i really need your advice

me, ordering several things online i can’t afford while eating a block of cheese: yes ofc you’ve come to the right person

you’ll find these at calicocutpants.com but you gotta give

{first date}
him: i’m not really a dog person
me: (already in my car)

MAYBE SHES BORN WITH IT MAYBE SHES ✨spiraling✨

For my first post I want to talk about blood orange cake. Delicious. That is all. Welcome to the Twitter.

Your email found me eating ice cream with a fork