If trade unions aren't allowed to organise a closed shop, public schoolboys shouldn't be able to organise one either

Privately-educated Jacob Rees-Mogg wants privately-educated Nigel Farage to get a peerage, so he can serve as an unelected minister, just like privately-educated David Cameron. These are the politicians who rail against 'the establishment elite'.

Say what you like about 1970s trade unions. But nobody in a full-time job needed food banks then.

I'm so old, I remember when Nigel Farage used to tell us Brexit would mean cheaper food

Tory MPs tell us the royal family is 'good for tourism'. Then they vote against a ban on water companies dumping millions of litres of shit into Lake Windermere.

My followers have suggested some great names for Britain's 28 new warships, including HMS Lanyard Destroyer, HMS Pint-Sized Loser, HMS Rwanda and HMS Infosys

BREAKING: Mone Barrowman Shipbuilding Co awarded contract to build 28 new warships without even a tendering process

Grant Shapps on television discussing identity fraud. I leave it there.

Not saying the Tories are corrupt. But if they do scrap rainbow lanyards, they'll probably give the replacement lanyard franchise to a Conservative donor on a 5000% mark-up.

If only Esther McVey was as angry about hungry schoolchildren as she is about rainbow lanyards

Sunak is right to ask us not to judge 14 years of Tory rule on 49 days of Liz Truss. I mean, there is austerity, Brexit, benefit cuts for the disabled, Generation Windrush, bedroom tax, tripled tuition fees, anti-union laws and Rwanda deportations to factor in as well.

If the Tories really do have a plan to 'change Britain for the better', the obvious question is why they haven't implemented it for the last 14 years

If Esther McVey wants to crack down on poor use of taxpayers' money, she might start with the Tory MP for Tatton, who claimed £8750 on expenses for a personal photographer

Four Tory MPs made profits of £5.4m on second homes subsidised by parliamentary expenses, the Daily Mirror reports. The Conservative Party is refusing to say whether they paid capital gains tax.

Tesco profits went up 159% to £2.3bn last year. In other words, Britain's biggest supermarket chain used the cost of living crisis as a pretext for blatant profiteering.

I know Nadhim Zahawi had to pay a 30% surcharge for his attempted £3.7m tax dodge. But 300 hours of community service in an inner city food bank would have done him a lot more good.