Wife: I don't feel too good, I'm going to bed early tonight.

Me: Oh no *switches on telly* that sounds like a good plan *turns on ps5* I hope you feel better soon *starts fallout 4*

It's been a little while since I read a book. Mostly because I'm terrible at choosing what's next. But I finally chose and started one today!

It's not a proper school run unless it's raining.

Jack: Can I have a pear please?

Me: A pair of what?

Jack: Why are you always like this?

I think my phone's facial recognition only knows it's me when I look slightly concerned.

Sometimes I wonder what Americans do with all their free time after taking a whole syllable out of the word aluminium.

Me: Jack, why are you so hyper right now?!

Jack: I'm not hyper, I'm just weird!

Gee. I wonder what it could be....

Today I hoovered the big hoover with the little hoover. That's the kind of person I am nowadays.

Imagine winning the lottery!

People: House. Sports car.

Me: Brand name baked beans!

'What kind of weather?'

'Yes.'

I swear at least half of you guys are just AI.

I got a new pencil today and I'm unreasonably happy about it.

Me: Any idea what to have for dinner tonight?

Wife: Oh we're having gammon and eggs with roast baby potatoes.

Me: You're making that?

Wife: I didn't say I was making it, but that's what we're having.

Ozzy: Daddy, it's not fair! You get loads of cool parcels and I never get anything!

Me: You know what, you're right. The next cool parcel they arrives for me, you can have.

Ozzy: Yaaaay! Thank you!

The next parcel to arrive:

Don't know what it is, but there is something inherently cool about a signed book.

Me: I really wish I had more friends.

Also me: People? Ew?

So yeah. YouTube kids has gone now. I know it's inevitable, but not just yet.

My child is now apparently aware of the existence of YouTube influencers.

It's currently taking every ounce of my restraint to not cast all technology into the sea.

If your kid asks you for this for lunch, are you making it?