Ready for my Coachella set

They all want to control me. The liberal media elite wants to silence me. The right wing fascists want a puppet figurehead. But in the words of Ray Parker Jr’s 1984 Ghostbusters theme, bustin’ makes me feel good.

He’ll fight for freedom
wherever there’s oil
G.I. Joe is there!

OJ’s coffin. Call that a Juice Box.

Going out drinking with the boys.

The marketing team mocked these up, but I said no! It needs to come in blue.

Musk says the first neuralink guinea pig can control a computer with their mind, but I can control a US Congressman with $500 and some grainy cellphone pics, so who’s really winning here?

You know what this game needs? Football Flails. Just to spice things up. Every first down another weapon gets tossed onto the field. I have a million of these ideas.

WAKE ME UP INSIDE

You got a fast car

Sure, this is a parody account. Paradeeznutz.

Ride now, ride now, ride! Ride for ruin and the world’s ending! Death! Death! Death!

You know, for a witch hunt there’s been a surprising lack of anyone being burned at the stake. Don’t hate me, I just love the classics!

“Commander, it’s Jones, sir...yes, that Jones, we do this every year. Listen, I looked for the anti-empire MLK quotes you asked for your social media… no, but I wonder if... I’m just saying they might… yes, sir. 10-4, sir. ‘Cobra!’ and all that, sir.”

Back in the office. Does anyone remember my password to the computer that blows things up?

New year, same as the old year. COBRA!

New Year’s Resolutions:

🌏 Rule the world (obviously)
🔪 Brainstorm other mascots to murder
🌭 Raise the price of the Costco hotdog

Obama released his annual list of ruthless terrorists he absolutely follows on Twitter and guess who’s still numero uno?

James McCullen Destro XXIV, the Scottish Laird?